Stop holding back what you have to say because you think that nobody wants to hear it.
Around 21 years old I started to learn about chakras. I remember very vividly reading an article that was discussing how a blocked throat chakra manifests into the body. "Hard time communicating, difficulty expressing self, holding back, shyness, increased anxiety and difficulty speaking, fear of ridicule or extreme discomfort in the face of confrontation"......
and within my 21st year of living, I came to the realization that for most of my life I have had my throat chakra completely blocked off. If I wasn't biting my tongue to keep the peace, I was completely disregarding my own well being to please others.
I had a bad habit of telling half truths to avoid confrontation and to ensure that others perceived me through a certain lens. My sense of control came from manipulating others perceptions of me through people pleasing tendencies and inability to be authentic in any way. I cared more about what others thought of me and very little on what I thought of myself.
It didn't really become apparent that this was my standard, my autopilot mode, until I had finally got out of a year long abusive relationship where all of my hidden truths were pulled to the surface. Although I would never encourage anyone to stay in an abusive relationship, I can confidently say, there are certain blessings that come from these relationships that you wouldn't really get anywhere else.
For example, when every part of you is manipulated and drug through the mud, at some point you realize that self esteem doesn't come from the validation of others; it's called self esteem, not other esteem. And so, I learned that if I continued to care only about what others thought of me and nothing of myself, I would be continuing a cycle of self abuse and neglect.
Another life changing lesson that I gained from it was that this abusive relationship was simply a physical manifestation of the way that I felt about myself. Every mean thought and belief I had about myself was reflected back to me. There was no way that this person could love me beyond what they did because I didn't have the space within me to receive love. I didn't believe that I was worthy of real love and I didn't believe that I deserved better so the abusive relationship was a perfect reflection of the way that I truly felt about myself. So in short, it exposed me to the abusive relationship I had with myself. I share this because it was truly a pivotal point in my life. There is power in truth and I realized that nobody was going to share my truth for me. It's not that nobody wanted to hear what I had to say, it's that I had convinced myself that nobody gave a shit or that I would be condemned.
As someone who studies the mind and human behavior, it's important for me to recognize patterns and what they are rooted in. You don't just come out of the womb and have the thought: "nobody wants to hear what I have to say." It's a learned habit to silence yourself; it's something engrained in your being by conditioning.
Sometimes it takes root when you are told as a child that you are being too loud, too noisy, too this too that or much. It can also manifest through watching one of the "giants" (aka adults) in your life exhibit the same behavior. Perhaps you had a very authoritative father who always spoke over your mother and you watched as she silenced herself to avoid confrontation. Maybe you had a parent who silenced you every time you expressed an emotion and eventually you learned to not express your emotions at all or to do so in silence. Maybe you grew up with a narcissistic parent and had to adapt an ability to read the room and as a result constantly engage in people pleasing habits because you know that's the best way to keep yourself safe. Maybe you had great parents but they were emotionally unavailable because of their commitment to their careers.
Regardless of what it may be, in the pursuit of learning self love and allowing yourself to be heard, it's important to know that these habits are rooted in some type of learned behavior; and the only way to fully remove a "weed" is to get to the root of it. It's also important to recognize that although we don't get to decide what we learn as children, it is still our responsibility as adults to evolve behavior that is not serving us. It may have been passed on through generations but it can and will stop with you.
Some questions to ask yourself:
-Can I deal with someone not liking me?
-If someone came to you and said they didn't like the way you talk, how do you react?
-How do I deal with confrontation?
-Am I able to sit in discomfort with others?
-How do I handle rejection?
-Do I change the way I talk to please others?
-Do I have a difficult time speaking up for myself?
-Do I talk about things that I enjoy when in a group setting?
-Do I let others truly hear me?
High vibrational practices to open throat chakra:
Food: blueberries, elderberry, raspberries, fresh greens.
Singing. Laughing (ex: comedy show)
Musical instruments.
Video journal (this one can feel strange at first if you aren't used to recording yourself but it is great after you get into the practice and it also strengthens your public speaking skills.)
Written expression (journaling)
Affirmations: Thank you for my voice. My opinion matters and I am heard. I communicate with ease and speak up for myself.
Crystals: Lapis Lazuli, Aquamarine, Blue Lace Agate, Turquoise
Writing letters to those that have hurt you or silenced you and then burning them.
Finding a safe space of women/men to talk with freely (I have had a group of women that I gather with at least a month to talk with either in person or video chat and it is extremely healing.)
Boundaries.
More "dense" practices to open throat chakra:
Screaming.
Telling someone off.
Telling someone who has repeatedly silenced you to respectfully f*ck off. (You can be a spiritual person and also tell someone to f*ck off.)
Although the list of practices you can do can go on forever, what truly matters when opening up your throat chakra is allowing yourself to be heard which requires you to speak up, even when it feels uncomfortable. Nobody can hear you unless you speak up. Realize that people care about what you have to say but if you fail to share what's important to you than others don't have the opportunity to listen and relate. Not everyone is going to shut you down the same way your family did. Not everyone is going to silence you like that wounded ex did. Not everyone is going to talk over you like that old friend did.
Our outer reality starts to shift when our inner reality shifts. If you BELIEVE that nobody wants to hear what you have to say then you will continuously have experiences that reflect that personal truth back to you (ex: friends that don't listen to you, bosses that talk over you, relationships that silence you.)
Oddly enough, one of the most effective ways that I opened up my throat chakra is through the use of social media. I started following people that used social media as a platform to share their voice and began taking note of it. Eventually I started to share my own videos even though I was scared to death and had a constant fear that nobody really cared. When people started messaging me and sharing the ways that they resonate or connected with my videos, it added fuel to the fire. This only reaffirmed what I already felt inside of me: that I had to share my voice.
What I have came to realize over the last 2-3 years of using social media in order to share my voice is that there are so many people out there that will resonate with your story and it will inspire them as a byproduct. There are so many people that have a lot to say, they just haven't learned how to say it free of restriction. I've also learned that there are people in the world that aren't going to agree with you and THAT'S OK! You are not going to be for everyone and you aren't meant to be. There are some that will get very offended by your light and want to dim it down but it's simply a projection of their own fears. Continue to shine anyway.
Nothing is more important than sharing your truth. You have the right to take up space. You have the right to speak on what feels important to you.
I appreciate you being here.
With love,
-Allie